The Islamic Sharia outlines etiquette and guidelines for having sexual relations after marriage to promote respectful relationships.
Mutual consent is the first principle of sexual relations between Muslim couples. Both partners are required to willingly and comfortably engage in any intimate act.
Before initiating any intimate physical act, it is recommended to make dua, seeking Allah’s blessings and protection from Satan. Muslim couples are advised to engage in foreplay and mutual stimulation and then engage in sexual relations.
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We will explain how to do sex after marriage in Islam and what not to do regarding sex according to the Quran and Hadiths.
How to Do Sex After Marriage in Islam: Sharia-Based Explanation
Islam teaches etiquette and Muslim sexuality rules after marriage, explaining how to have intimate relations within the confines of married life.
- Mutual consent
- Making dua (Supplication)
- Foreplay and mutual stimulation
- Engaging in intimacy (Sex)
- Cleanliness (Wudu)
- Ghusl (Ritual purification)
1. Mutual Consent
Ensure that both Muslim married couples have a clear and enthusiastic agreement before engaging in sexual intimacy. Mutual consent is of utmost importance in Islam, as it upholds the principles of respect and consideration for one another’s desires and boundaries.
By establishing open communication, couples can create an environment where both partners feel comfortable expressing their needs and desires.
2. Making Dua (Supplication)
It is recommended that Muslim married couples begin their sexual intimacy by making a heartfelt dua to Allah to enhance their spiritual relationship.
This beautiful act of seeking Allah’s blessings and protection against Shaytan can bring couples closer to each other and strengthen their bond.
According to Sahih al-Bukhari 6388, Our Prophet (SAW) said: “If anyone of you, when intending to have a sexual intercourse with his wife, says: ‘Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna-sh-shaitan, wa jannibi-sh-shaitan ma razaqtana,’ and if the couple are destined to have a child (out of that very sexual relation), then Satan will never be able to harm that child.”
This supplication serves as a shield against Shaytan’s influence and safeguards your relationship’s sanctity. By starting with dua, you invite the blessings of Allah and create a sacred space for the intimate act of love between spouses.
3. Foreplay and Mutual Stimulation
After making dua, both husband and wife are required to perform foreplay and mutual stimulation, which is a big part of sexual intimacy. It’s a means of building desire, enhancing pleasure, and strengthening emotional bonds.
Islam recognizes the importance of physical intimacy in a marriage, and foreplay serves as a way to prepare both partners for sexual intercourse. Foreplay in Islam encompasses a range of actions, such as kissing, touching, seeing, smelling, and stimulating various parts of each other’s bodies.
These acts of affection and arousal are permissible and encouraged within the bounds of marriage. However, it’s essential to maintain modesty and respect for one another’s boundaries. Imam Ali (may Allah bless him) advises against rushing into sex without foreplay.
4. Engaging in Intimacy (Sex)
After engaging in foreplay and mutual stimulation, Muslim married couples need to engage in sexual intimacy within the confines of marriage. Islam allows flexibility and mutual pleasure during sexual intercourse without any restrictions on positions.
In the Quran, in [2:223], Allah states, “Your wives are like farmland for you, so approach them ˹consensually˺ as you please. And send forth something good for yourselves. Be mindful of Allah, and know that you will meet Him. And give good news to the believers.”
This verse highlights the importance of mutual sexual satisfaction within marriage.
Basic coital positions, including man above, woman above, side position, face to face, and rear entry, are generally allowed. It is important to note that some positions may not be suitable for certain couples due to physical limitations or discomfort.
Standing or facing the Qiblah during sex is discouraged in Islam to promote mutual respect and comfort between partners. Some scholars of Islam say that facing the Qiblah during sexual activity is prohibited.
5. Cleanliness (Wudu)
It’s highly recommended for both partners to perform wudu after engaging in sexual relations. Wudu, an act of purification, ensures you approach this intimate act with a pure and clean state of mind and body.
According to Sunnah, if you plan to have intercourse a second time, it’s advised to perform wudu in between. This practice purifies you physically and spiritually, allowing you to focus on the intimate connection with your spouse fully.
6. Ghusl (Ritual Purification)
After engaging in sexual relations, both the husband and wife are obliged to perform Ghusl, which involves bathing the whole body. The primary purpose of Ghusl is to remove the state of ritual impurity (Janabah) that arises after engaging in sexual relations or experiencing other acts that necessitate purification.
A Hadith narrated by Aisha (Radi Allahu anha) found in Sahih al-Bukhari 248 describes: “Whenever the Prophet (SAW) took a bath after Janaba he started by washing his hands and then performed ablution like that for the prayer. After that, he would put his fingers in water and move the roots of his hair with them, and then pour three handfuls of water over his head and then pour water all over his body.”
Prohibited Sexual Acts Between Muslim Married Couples in Islam
In Islam, certain sexual acts are prohibited between married Muslim couples, such as:
1. Anal Sex
In Islam, it is prohibited to engage in anal sex between Muslim married couples. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) explicitly stated that sexual intercourse should occur in the vagina, and any deviation from this is considered sinful.
In a hadith found in Sunan Abi Dawud (3904), Prophet Muhammad (SAW) stated: “If anyone resorts to a diviner and believes in what he says (according) to the version of Musa), or has intercourse with his wife (according to the agreed version) when she is menstruating, or has intercourse with his wife through her anus, he has nothing to do with what has been sent down to Muhammad (SAW) – according to the version of Musaddad.”
2. Sex During Menstruation
During a woman’s menstrual period in Islam, engaging in sexual intercourse is explicitly prohibited. This prohibition is stated in the Quran, where Allah advises believers to keep away from their wives during this time.
The Quran specifically states, “They ask you about menstruation. Say: “It is an impurity. So, keep away from women during menstruation; and do not have intimacy with them until they are cleansed. But when they are cleansed, then go to them from where Allah has commanded you. Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:222)
Muslim married couples need to understand and abide by this prohibition, as it reminds them of the sanctity and purity of marriage.
3. Sex During Postnatal Bleeding (Nifas)
Similar to menstruation, sexual intercourse is also prohibited during postnatal bleeding after childbirth. This period is commonly known as Nifas.
During this time, women are considered to be in a state of ritual impurity, and sexual intercourse is not allowed. The Prophet Mohamed emphasized the importance of caring for women during this time, ensuring that they are given ample rest and recovery.
While the period of abstinence is traditionally forty days, scholars recognize that postnatal bleeding can sometimes last longer, and therefore, the upper limit is not rigid.
4. Fasting Hours During Ramadan
Maintaining privacy and respecting the sanctity of the marital relationship is highly valued in Islam. Spreading intimate details about one’s spouse is considered a sin.
This is because it violates the trust and respect between couples and can lead to feelings of betrayal and hurt. The Prophet Mohamed also emphasized privacy and confidentiality, saying that anyone who reveals others’ secrets will be punished severely.
As such, maintain confidentiality and respect within the marriage and don’t share intimate details outside it.
Muslim couples should adhere to the guidelines regarding how to do sex after marriage in Islam. Following the principles of mutual consent, making dua, engaging in foreplay, and ensuring cleanliness through wudu and ghusl are essential aspects.
It’s imperative to abstain from prohibited acts, such as anal sex, during menstruation and postnatal bleeding. Respecting the sanctity of Ramadan by refraining from intimate relations during fasting hours is also paramount.
Muslim couples can strengthen their marital bond by upholding these guidelines, seeking Allah’s blessings for a fulfilling and respectful intimate relationship.