Wedding night is such a thing that married people find pleasure in remembering that even after decades. If you were to ask a married couple if they want to go back to their wedding night, certainly they would want that to happen.
But, as you are here, we assume that you are about to experience your wedding night very soon searching for your life partner for marriage. There are things to do on wedding nights in Islam apart from a worldly perspective. From the sunnah, we find several duas and acts of worship that have to do with this specific night other than enjoying each other both mentally and physically.
This article will tell you the things you should do on that night from both Islamic and worldly perspectives.
Wedding Nights in Islam | Things To Do
1. Prepare Yourself for Your Spouse
Muslim Life Partner?
The wedding day is quite exhausting as it has to do a lot of stuff. Both bride and groom get too tired when they enter the wedding room. Before you make it there, be sure to prepare yourself well.
Clean yourself if necessary, and take a bath if you are okay with it. If you are wondering about what to wear for the first wedding night in Islam, dress in such a way that your spouse finds pleasure in you. You can wear the same wedding dress again, and this is what you are supposed to do. But make sure it doesn’t smell bad. Use perfume or attar to remove any smell or odor from the garment.
2. Bring Gifts
Again, both of you will remember this very night later in your life. Bringing good gifts can be one of the ways to make this special night memorable.
You can buy your spouse chocolates, perfume, mobile, wrist watch, or any other expensive stuff. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said in a hadith –
“Give your gifts to each other. It will increase the love between both.”
3. Keep Some Sweet Foods to Eat
Starting a conversation on a wedding night can be a little awkward if one of you is an introvert. But, thankfully, there are ways to deal with such situations too.
Make sure there are sweet foods in the room for both of you to eat. Both the husband and wife can put food in each other’s mouths. This will help both parties to be more intimate with each other. Who knows, this can give you something to start the conversation in a smart way!
4. Admiring Your Spouse
Wives need appraisals. The more their husbands praise their beauty, characteristics, skills, and other things, the healthier the relationship becomes. As a husband, you must praise and admire your wife on the wedding night. All her beauty, dress, makeup, etc. are for you, she wants your attention. Make sure you do that well.
After all, it’s from the sunnah to praise each other for a good marital life.
5. Offering 2 Rakah Salah
Although it’s not from the Quran and hadith, a number of salafs used to offer 2 rakah nafl salah with the husband’s lead as an imam. The husband and wife can also pray salah separately, there is nothing wrong with it. This is one of the Muslim wedding night rules or that kind of thing.
After finishing the prayer, the husband has to put his hand on the forehead or head of his wife, and recite the following dua –
“Allaahumma innii as-aluka min khairihaa wa khairi maa jabaltahaa alaihi Wa ‘a’uzu bika min syarrihaa wa syarri maa fiihaa wa sarri maa ja baltahaa alaihi.”
“O Allah, I plead with you for his goodness and goodness of attitudes (attitudes or behavior) that he carries. And I take refuge from his ugliness and the ugliness of the nature (attitude or behavior) which he carries. “(Narrated by Bukhari)
This is from the sunnah. Also, the husband can make other duas that are mentioned in the hadith regarding conjugal life. This dua alone tells the significance of a wedding night in Islam.
7. Engaging in a Conversation
As this is one of the most crucial nights of your life, each word and deed that you do together will be remembered throughout your life. This goes for both the husband and wife. So, make conversation that matters.
You should prepare yourself for what you will say to your life partner. This can be the type of behavior you want from her and vice-versa, family matters, future plans about the family, how to help each other to seek the pleasure of Allah SWT, etc.
Again, you should come pre-planned for this night. Make a list of things you want to discuss during the night, it will help you a lot.
You can also make light jokes and chats to make her feel comfortable and ease the environment.
8. Having Intercourse
There’s no obligation to have intercourse on the first night. It all depends on the situation and willingness of both the husband and wife. If you as a husband can make her feel comfortable on the first night, there is nothing wrong with engaging in this.
Your wife might not express her willingness towards intercourse, while not having any objection regarding the matter. You will have to figure out what she wants. If everything is okay, you must start dua the following dua from the hadith –
بسم الله, اللهم جنبنا الشيطان وجنب الشيطان ما رزقتنا.
“Bismillahi Allahumma jannibish shaitana wa jannibish shaitana ma razaqtana.”
“In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep me from shaitan and keep shaitan from the child you want to give us.” (Narrated by Bukhari-Muslim)
When proceeding, make sure you do it gently and softly. Foreplay is a must, which will make her feel more comfortable towards it.
There are some misconceptions about hymen-tearing. This can tear after hitting puberty, doing outdoor sports activities like running, jumping, cycling, swimming, etc. It’s not necessary to bleed when the hymen tears. So keep this information in mind.
Using lubricant will make things smoother during the first few attempts. Use water or silicone-based lubes for a better experience.
9. Taking a Bath After Intercourse
After having intercourse, if you want to go for the second time, be sure to make wudu as it’s recommended from the sunnah. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
”If one of you wants to start having intercourse for the second time after having intercourse, he should perform ablution. It will make her second sexual intercourse enjoyable.” [Sahih Muslim – 1/161]
Also, it’s recommended to make wudu before going to sleep after intercourse. You can perform the fardh ghusl before going to bed or after waking up for the fajr prayer.
10. Avoiding Haram Acts
You cannot have intercourse with your wife when she is on her period. If this is the case on the wedding night, you can only do foreplay, and have sabr until the period is over, and she is done with the fardh ghusl. Also, it’s haram to have anal intercourse. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,
“Have sex with your wife from the front or back. But avoid or do not intercourse from the rectum or when she is menstruating.”
A lot of young people have a lot of fantasies regarding their sexual life. They want to do things in a way that they saw while watching porn. And having oral sex is one of those. It’s highly discouraged to do oral sex in all forms. Private parts shouldn’t contact mouths.
11. Don’t Share Anything Related to Intimacy with Others
A number of newly married husbands and wives disclose what happened on their wedding night to their friends or cousins. It’s a shameful and disgraceful act to tell others about the private matters of husband and wife. There is a hadith regarding this matter –
Narrated Ahmad from Asma Binti Yazid who was sitting near the Prophet (saws) along with men and women and he said –
“It could be a man telling what he did with his wife and could be a wife telling what she did with husband. “So they fell silent. Then I asked, “By Allah’s Messenger, the women actually do that as well as their men do it.” He said, “Do not do it. In fact it is like a male demon associated with a female demon in the street (male devils) covering up (female demon) while people watch it.”
12. Don’t be Stressed If Things aren’t as Expected
Having intercourse for the first time might not go well or as expected. And this is totally normal. Even for successful intercourse, the couple might have to wait for 2-3 months. So, don’t be stressed. It will be normal with time and practice.
Other than the physical intimacy, if you guys still don’t get comfortable with each other after the first night, this article will help you to make things easier if it’s an arranged marriage.
What should we not do on the wedding night?
Regarding physical intimacy, the husband shouldn’t forcefully go for intercourse without the willingness of his wife. This is a matter of mutual understanding. Otherwise, it will not make a good impression on his wife.
What should a bride do on her wedding night?
The bride should be well-dressed, talkative, and responsive to the husband on her wedding night. As it all starts with a conversation, the bride has to engage herself in the conversation to make both parties feel comfortable.
What happens on the wedding night?
On the wedding night, the husband and wife engage in a chat, make plans for their future life, make commitments, set rules for their marital life, etc. Having intercourse is not obligatory on that night. If both feel comfortable doing it, there is no issue with it.
Wedding night memory is one of the sweetest things a couple can ever have. So, planning for this special moment will make sure the night goes well for both the husband and wife. Wedding nights in Islam have to do with some act of worship apart from seeking physical pleasure from each other. Hope this article helped you to plan for this night ahead of you.